| I'm back! |
[19 Nov 2006|12:45pm] |
I may have the smallest F-List in LJ, who knows, but you must know I thrive on the F-List. Am moving to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) standstraight because I feel I have dumped too much unconstructive Internet junk here and it makes me frustrated.
No more exams! *throws confetti*
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| Thoughts about Captain Ayala before the examinations |
[02 Nov 2006|12:10am] |
My General Paper commences tomorrow. I know I need to sleep early, but there are some things you need to say before you forget and pass it off as another "insignificant matter".
I visited 阿根廷风暴 BBS (ArgStorm.Com BBS) again and this time, I decided to read one essay before heading to bed. I read 阿亚拉：幻灭 (Ayala: The Vanishing) and I am crying in my heart. I don't know if it is because of the overly romanticised prose of the author or the heart wrenching fact that Ayala will soon fade off from the playing field that induced these tears.
I don't have a lot of time now because I need to turn in as soon as possible so that I can wake up at 5.30 am tomorrow, but I'll write whatever I can.
My first impression of Ayala is vague and blurred. That is because I was crazily jumping up and down in the middle of the living room, flailing my arms wildly, clutching the pillows on the couch and screaming, "GOOOOL!" That was my first time cheering upon seeing a goal. I remember Ayala heading the ball into the net in an awkwardly brilliant position - his body was almost parallel to the ground, as if he was flying in mid-air. His goal celebration was simple - he pointed at Riquelme with his index finger, his face solemn and eyes flashing in what looked like seriousness.
The first Argentina icon I made was Ayala. It framed that goal celebration of his, because there was something oddly captivating and painful about his expression, something like a man who has exhausted his life contributing his service to his country.
Now he is thirty-three years old. Soon, he will leave the pitch. Who knows what the future brings? And the man who consoled a young Crespo in 2002 without a tear in his eyes had come back this time to prove something, to leave a legacy. I once read in Ole that he hopes to lift a trophy as a captain. He said the great captains who left a legacy lifted trophies, and this is his dream. He dared not dream about South Africa 2010, but he is hopeful about Copa America. Is this optimism? For me, it felt like he wants to fill the emptiness that Germany 2006 left in his heart. Face it, who could have gotten over it?
Let me quote a few sentences from the essay:
“我会记得，不仅是现在，而且在未来，无论何时，无论何地，微笑的记得，或流泪的记得。记得一个人，曾经那样的打动过我，停在我的灵魂深处，沉淀。”
("I will remember, not only now, but also in the future, no matter when, no matter where, remembering as I smile, or remembering as I cry. Remembering one person, who once moved me in such a way, that moment stills in the depths of my soul, sinking in.")
“赛后，多少人在谈论德国的顽强精神，多少人在谈论莱曼与卡恩的握手，又有多少人会谈起，一位老将，和他这个“拼了老命”的进球。”
("After the match, how many people were discussing Germany's perseverance, how many people were discussing the handshake between Lehmann and Kahn, and how many people would mention, an old guard, and his "give all" goal.")
“这次的阿亚拉就像一个武林高手，正在集一生功力打出最后一掌，哪怕出招后吐血而亡，也无怨无悔。”
("The Ayala this time is like a martial arts exponent, concentrating his powers on that one last fatal blow, even if he would then vomit blood and die, it would be without regrets.")
“一个男孩要走多长的路才能变成一个真正的男人？你我都要用多少年才会真正了解一个人？11年吗？8年吗？最美的也是最后的，最盛装的也是最后要谢幕的。最杰出的也是最迟暮的。”
("How far a journey must a boy travel before he becomes a real man? How many years do you and I need to really understand a person? 11 years? 8 years? The most beautiful is also the last, the grandest is also the final showdown. The finest is also the latest in life.")
P.S.: Click here to read the article.
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| Time for something for myself |
[29 Oct 2006|05:50pm] |
It's three days to the damned examinations and nineteen days to freedom. Sadly, I can't say I'm confidently prepared for it, but I've done almost all I can. Sometimes I feel I could do more, and faster, and do more, and faster (quoting my General Paper comprehension passage on multitasking), but let's face it. I've nearly exhausted each and every one of the twenty-four-hour periods I've had since the first of October. It may be a case of "study hard but not study smart", but Heaven bestows on me everything but intelligence, so that's just too bad. Or I should quit giving myself excuses altogether and admit that I AM GOING TO MAKE PRELIMINARY PLANS FOR LIFE AFTER THE EXAMINATIONS!
First, I'll need a job. I have a lot of ideas in my mind and my parents are particularly irritated by the fact that I've considered helping out at a pasar malam (night market that is always on the move, sells cheap things, sometimes imitated football merchandise, but hey, you've got to cater for the less affluent football fanatics like yours truly). They somehow think it's degrading to work at such "low class" places, but hi, I'm not going to rob or steal or cheat, so what's the problem?
Jin's List of Wacky Part Time Job Ideas
Apprenticeship at Football Weekly - I invented this job myself. I'm not sure if they accept random students popping up at their office looking for work, much less to say an 'A' Level undergraduate with pathetic school results
Pasar malam assistant
A temp a Cafe Galilee - it's only a five-minute walk away from my place, so I'll be saving up on transport fees
A temp at Kinokuniya (bookstore)
A temp at SportsLink (sportswear store)
Internship at Lianhe Zaobao (the Chinese national daily newspaper)
Student staff at Broader Perspectives, the General Paper bulletin for students, by students (and some help from the professional adults who run the publication)
Relief teaching at primary schools
So, uh, wish me luck? When I get my first paycheck, I'll deposit the entire sum into the bank. I'll survive on one piece of bread per meal and three glasses of water per day until I raise enough funds for my World Cup 2010 trip. Meanwhile, I should also source for travel materials and start reading up on Argentina and Spain. My money may be used to buy Clay Aiken's A Thousand Different Ways and the World Trade Centre soundtrack. If I work at SportsLink, they may have staff discounts, so I can probably use the money for some decent football apparel.
I'm very happy with my list as of now. My new aspiration is to become an air stewardess, but my friend said I am too short! ~!@#$ Five more centimetres! Go, Jin!
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| I never knew it mattered this much |
[23 Oct 2006|08:55pm] |
I. FelloutwithmyfriendbecauseheinsultedArgentina.
I mean. I fell out with my friend because he insulted Argentina.
It started when C blurted out, "Did you know Argentina is a poor country?"
"Yeah," I replied and continued solving Maths questions.
Z, the other friend, began to blabber about strikes in Argentina. To shut him up, I hollered, "Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Now will you shut up?"
I vaguely recall him saying more things to drown my voice, something like "Argentina is lousy". And that was it.
"Apologise."
"No. Argentina is poor. Singapore pwns Argentina."
I packed his books and heaved them onto his lap along with his pens and his calculator and asked him to leave. So when he didn't, I left.
I don't deny that Argentina is poor and Argentina football is perpetually marred by hooliganism, but then again, what do I actually know about Argentina apart from the few members of the national football team, the colour of her flag and the melody of her national anthem. (This is why I'm going to study Argentina culture and history after my big exams.)
And what does Z know about Argentina? I bet he can't even point to it on the globe, let alone understand its exact situation. So who is he to make such comments? I especially loathe his condescending tone, as if he knows everything about the country and scoffs at the inferiority of it, when in actual fact he has near zero knowledge of the nation.
Okay, so Jin has just made a mountain out of a molehill, but you know what? I don't regret it one bit.
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| I have nothing to say |
[21 Oct 2006|01:05am] |
But I fell in love with this song.
Still hopelessly trying to salvage the situation before Doom's Day arrives. Still not believing enough. Still having low morale, low confidence and low self-esteem. Missing football. Missing my Argentina boys. Missing real life people.
By the way, I graduated. The farewell concert was so insincere, but the farewell cards were (: In the blink of an eye, I said goodbye to two more years of my life. So this is how you feel when you are eighteen and on the brink of devastation.
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| All that has happened thus far |
[15 Oct 2006|07:20pm] |
I haven't have much time to comment on everybody's journals, but rest assured I am reading every single word of it. Especially to Em, who said her football journal is "interesting only to the eyes of canarycreams", don't worry. I read :D
So if you are wondering what I have been up to, I have been slogging my guts out. Only seventeen days left to the examinations! Well, according to this guy on my MSN Messenger contact list who counts down.
Yesterday, I stayed overnight at 24-hour McDonald's with two of my secondary school friends and we studied throughout the night. The 2 am period was the worst when I tried to fight the Z-Monster. The zero degree Celcius air-conditioning and the overdose of cold Nescafe and hot Lipton tea threatened to induce serious vomitting.
There were two girls studying there too, and a boy who studied alone. Other than them, random people patronised the fast food restaurant, including a mother and a boy who laughed hysterically non-stop, a group of Taiwanese who cackled a little too loudly and a gang of secondary school boys, whom my friend discovered them smoking outside later.
We left at 5 am because we couldn't carry on anymore and we didn't want to sleep there... Only to discover that my train would arrive at 6.40 am! I waited for 40 minutes alone at the train station (my friends' buses came at 6 am), cold, hungry and sleepy.
When I arrived at my place, it was already 7.05 am. The haze blown over from Indonesia (who set fire to their forests) casted a dreamy effect on the surroundings. It looked pretty, as if you were walking among the clouds, but they are all dust particles that harm our health, really.
Died on the bed immediately upon reaching home and woke up at unearthly 2.30 pm. I got my parents to sign my report slip and they didn't faint upon noting that I am fourth percentile for Chinese Lit. They even offered me advice and encouragement.
The people around me have been supportive. The vice-principal gave our class colourful markers to write encouragement cards to one another (we are the last class in the level T_T) and told us it was possible to turn O's and F's into A's and B's provided you don't sleep for twenty hours, as my Physics tutor had actually told my classmate; my parents did not explode and chastise me; I have friends who are willing to study through the night with me; and then there are LJ friends who bother to check this journal even though it is boring and complainative (sp?). I couldn't ask for more.
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| Or the summing of years |
[14 Oct 2006|08:00am] |
The fourteenth of October, I am is sitting in front of the computer at 8.00 am and thinking of Friday the thirteenth yesterday.
"I want to announce something."
"What?"
"I want to commit suicide."
"No! Don't go near that railing. Today is Friday the Thirteenth, don't die today!"
This was a small banter between Weiba and I. I met her at the library to study together. Before that, I had Chinese Lit Special Paper class. We reviewed our assessment and my cousin had to bring up the matter of the "cut off point for Distinction, Merit and Pass".
"Is there even a Pass? I don't think so. The lowest credit should be Merit."
Deep down, I knew almost the entire class got 70 marks and above. Except for me. This S Paper is different from the rest. You can study all the literary texts possible and not score well for it. Simply because you don't know what is coming out. Even if you do, you may not have the ability to analyse it properly. I admit that my essay was trash, but I put in so much effort in the unseen poem analysis. Only to fail it because I identified the idea of the poet wrongly. But I provided clear arguement as to why the Tree was Lonely. The teacher said the Tree was Strong. So okay. Fine. My 25 marks comment was reduced to an 8 because I based it on the wrongly interpreted loneliness.
"If you get 50 something, you fail."
That was what the teacher said.
When I got to the library, I sat down and wanted to break down and be emo and all that. But KH and Kimbo were there and they were doing Physics and Biology respectively. Peacefully. So I just took out my Physics Ten Year Series and started to do those questions inside.
Although I didn't do as many questions as I intended yesterday, I certainly wouldn't blame Weiba for inviting Vicky over, which resulted in our study session being slightly disrupted. It's like the good ol' days all over again. Only this time I am the spectator of the memory, and not the participant. It makes me remember why I wanted to come here and study.
It makes me wonder what I did wrong. Sure, I have been lazy at times, but I have done my part as a student. I did my Maths tutorials on time. I studied hard for Physics tests and reaped what I sow. I paid attention during Chinese Lit and read up the material piously. The only thing I have neglected is Chemistry. I may not have studied very, very, very hard for the prelimary examinations, but I did 8 chapters of Physics TYS, a lot of Maths and studied the short stories (one of my weakest components in C. Lit) in great detail. Still, the results were rubbish.
Maybe I should "do more, and faster", like what the General Paper comprehension passage said. Multitask. "do more, and faster".
No, I will just die in the 'A' Levels. That is the truth. No matter how much I do, it will never be enough. Never.
I will not care about what everyone thinks if I die. I will not care about what everyone thinks if I die. I will not care about what everyone thinks if I die. I will not care about what everyone thinks if I die.
I wouldn't know by then, anyway.
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| x |
[11 Oct 2006|08:50pm] |
Without a PhD, most of Singapore's life sciences graduates are only qualified to work as research assistants. And both graduates and diploma holders vie for these positions that could pay less than $2,000 a month.
[...]
But never imagine for one moment that getting a degree means financial stability. It is a well-strung fairytale, but this article has shown in a very harsh perspective that it was never meant to be this way.
Reading on Owen's latest blog entry how on hard the lives of ordinary life science graduates in Singapore will be makes me think about my own future. However, I prefer not to dwell so much on what will happen after the A-Levels right now. Thinking about it will probably pull me into another whirlpool of negative thoughts (all the E's, dear God) and a gripping sense of panaroia (that is the end of me).
Blogging this out may help me to sort out my thinking. What I want as career is something that I will love. I am interested in NeoPets (managing the website, game programming, merchandising), sports (journalist, editor, producer, presenter) or journalism generally. But I find myself lacking in knowledge and language ability. I also want to try out many things more, like taking part in Survivor (although only US citizens get to do that).
My life philosophy is simple: to try as many things as possible in this life. We only live once. What value would this life have if we didn't live it the way we want it to? I know it is unfair to say this because there are responsibilities and not many people are as fortunate as I am to lead a fairly well-to-do life to dream so big. But still, I insist on directing my life the way I want it to play out.
Actually, not earning big bucks is not my main concern. If travelling doesn't need so much funds, I wouldn't have cared. But to realise my ambition of travelling to South Africa for the World Cup, Argentina to see exactly what kind of environment Roman grew up in and Spain to watch La Liga, I need to work and save up.
To be able to have such income, I need to sort out my priorities and pass this examination with flying colours. So, I will work hard. 20 days left before Judgement Day. Even if I have to go without sleep or rest, I must do it. It is a gateway to escape Singapore for a start.
Go, Jin!
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[10 Oct 2006|07:15pm] |
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This is to tell my small but lovely F-List that I appreciate them befriending me on LJ.
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| 123 |
[06 Oct 2006|01:35pm] |
Thanks for all the comments (:
Skipped school today. Just finished up my desired amount of questions on Functions and Graphs.
Admitted to my parents my situation. I shouldn't have adopted that blaming tone. The anger was directed at myself, but somehow I channeled some of it towards them. Told them what a failure I was and... How helpless I felt.
Words of slight encouragement were offered. But deep down, I know only I can save myself.
I keep skipping school. Cos in there, I automatically put on this facade that I'm fine, I'll rebound from those failures; that I'm still in this race with everyone else. I know that's so fake and disgusting cos it isn't true one bit. And yes, how egoistic of me to care so much about the opinion of strangers and generally the people in my community.
My friend told me yesterday that if she can't go to university with her scores, she will spend a year and retake the A Levels next year. I don't want to be doing that at 19. Yet the prospect of having a year to set things right is so relieving. 1234567890!
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| YAY |
[05 Oct 2006|08:35pm] |
This post is exclusively for of_doom. I went to the pasar malam (night market) just now and bought a fake Argentina shirt that actually fits me. But that is not the point. The point is, the uncle at the stall sells BOTH REAL VALENCIA WHITE AND BLACK SHIRTS. I have carefully inspected every inch of the shirt and it is proven authentic by Jin! The best part? Thirty Sing Dollars. S$30. And I suddenly thought of of_doom, so pardon the sudden outburst.
Bye, copyrights.
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| (: |
[01 Oct 2006|08:00am] |
And he deserved it. Take THAT, Frank Rijkaard.
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| Excuse me, but I beg your pardon |
[28 Sep 2006|07:00pm] |
I refuse to count down to the days left to the 'A' Level examination like everyone else. Delusional, there you have it. The preliminary examinations are over and if you need to use those numbers to judge my worth, I am dirt. Dust. But no excuses. Failures. A lot. Need to buck up. The mind is half willing, the body is incapable. How pathetic. Ah, emo. Sometimes I despise myself.
Crouchy the Great :D Shall watch his match after I attempt to understand Electric Field for the 147852369th time. I like team rotation. Puyol own goal - why. Inter lost - no. Stupid tabloid New Paper, I loathe you, but sometimes you have a point. Ibrahimovic, Grosso, keep your cool! Two goals in the last five minutes - not pretty when it is not Maxi and when it is against Inter.
Future so bleak. I feel like saying "sorry". Not to anyone in particular, or maybe to everyone. This is not the end, yet I feel so... Walk on.
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| Boo |
[28 Sep 2006|12:00am] |
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I am losing so much in terms of the Champions League, which makes me rather grumpy in school.
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| Inter goes Chinese *_* |
[27 Sep 2006|04:40pm] |
( Best )Pablito plays against Spain, that is nice to hear :D And Arruabarena + Somoza :DD Zanetti's five hundredth Inter match tomorrow! And I really like what he said here: With what spirit will you be playing, considering everything that is emerging in these days?
"We're honestly not thinking about it. We know that it is our duty to do well on the pitch. If we win all our matches we know that what is said on the outside will remain there." I hate how the Champions League matches are on weekdays.
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| Today is the day |
[25 Sep 2006|03:55am] |
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barca v valencia |
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Half Time
I'm scared, boys. Do something. We are all behind you. No one is giving you up. So do something. This is going to sound absurd, but we are staring relegation in the face. There is still 45 minutes more to move us away from that extreme. Do your best, boys.
It's surreal watching Roman and Pablito on the same pitch. Same position as attacking midfielder, same number of number eight. If they are not mirror images of each other, then I don't know what it is. Pablito's goal was a result of a good build up of play between Juanfran and Sergio Garcia, something that Villarreal is sorely lacking in. And I miss Pablito's el payaso goal celebrations. In its place now are group hugs in which Pablito looks more sombre than ever. It makes you wonder where his bubbly character has gone to. And Pablito is still so tiny. He seems so light and it feels like he's floating sometimes, with his dark curls bouncing gently as he runs. It makes you worry if those collisions will hurt him more than the other party.
So far, there has been no interaction between Roman and Pablito during play, but a Zaragoza hand patted Roman's head when he was fouled and I am sure it wasn't the Zaragoza player who committed the foul. And as kind as StarHub has been to air this match, it has also ruthlessly cut it off promptly at half time, but not before I caught a glimpse of Pablito walking alongside a player in yellow shirt who looked suspiciously like Roman. They are so subtle that it hurts.
And I love us, as in the Argies. Even if I wish Villarreal would step it up, I take comfort in knowing that the Argies are still the ones capable of exciting football. And so we enter half time anxiously.
Full Time
I knew we had it in us. Those yellow banners hanging from the railings kept reminding me to believe in the boys, and sure enough, Cani was the first to reassure us. The ball bounced off Roman's head and Cani grabbed the opportunity to send a short distance volley straight into goal, which resulted in me mouthing "GOOOOL!" soundlessly, flailing my arms and kissing the cushions on the couch. I can't help but smile at the observation of numerous Argentina flags displayed in the stadium.
But before that, Pablito came down with a back injury and laid on the grass for quite some time, clutching his back and shutting his eyes in pain. Your heart just had to go out to him. It's like deja vu, the scene of the player sprawled on the grass and a pair of feet in black and golden boots approached the fallen figure and the hand belonging to the owner of the feet ruffled the hair of the player on the ground just like what the other man had done for him earlier on.
Later, Forlan doubled it for us with a projectile motion of a short range that bounced safely into goal, of which the ball was appropriately sent Forlan's way from Tacchinardi. The Zaragoza defence seemed to have slackened after our equaliser. Talk about inspiration. We just needed that first goal of the season to get us going. So Forlan began to shoot at every possible chance after that, which really delights me even if the shots didn't go in.
It's a shame that our victory has to come at the expense of Zaragoza because they really are a decent side. A G. Milito hand ball yielded us a penalty and Roman rose to the occassion magnificently. Oh, the way his arms swung and his body swerved as he fired was enough to send ripples of spasm through my body. He applauded the audience after that, which was very thoughtful indeed :D
Hopefully Pique's last minute goal would serve as some consolation for Zaragoza. And we should have expected this. Right away after the match, Roman slung his arms over Pablito's shoulders as Pablito started talking fast. They are like inseparable if they could help it. Roman was just listening and not speaking. So typical of the couple, yet so heart warming and heart wrenching at the same time. Then, Pablito slipped himself out under Roman's arms and walked towards his Zaragoza team mates while Roman muttered a quick goodbye before thanking the crowd again and entering the tunnel.
*
I'm watching Barca v Valencia on Shanghai Sports now. Chinese commentary is so much more informative than English ones. The commentator uses a lot of creative and accurate descriptions for the players' actions, in addition to his analysis of both teams in depth, and I enjoy listening to the fluidity of his native Chinese. So my ranking for commentary now stands as 1. Spanish (even though I don't understand 99% of the content) 2. Chinese 3. English.
My first Valencia match of the season shouldn't be watched on a stream. It does them too much injustice. I have been neglecting this team previously, so now it's time to start following. That being said, I fancy Barca equally much and Iniesta just made me rather happy with his goal, although the buffer prevented me from seeing the action itself.
I hope StarHub will broadcast a replay of this match for sheer entertainment and prettiness. It is undoubtedly the most exciting match in La Liga so far. I want to review the cute little moment between Messi and Canizares, the Eto'o crack and Saviola's short moment of wonderful display along with his Forca Saviola banner. The 1 - 1 draw is definitely the perfect way to please my divided loyalties.
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